So, I'm a blue.
What the hell does that mean right? During staff training this year I presented a session on "finding your color," basically a lot of hoopla on how to identify your personality and work habits based around four colors. Now, don't get me wrong, I am the type of person who generally finds crap such as this completely ridiculous. I go off, laugh, chucking at the shumks [oh man, chuckling at the shmucks, exhaustion doesn't suit my typing skills] who put stock in the self congratulatory language of the handouts telling them how different, special and unique they all are. However, I have found myself referring to the information I gleaned from this session on more than one occasion in the past couple of weeks, and every time I do it makes me almost cringe inwardly. 1) because I find people who quote frequently from emotionally stunting information like this annoying (i.e. my astrologer says I'm an Aquarius with a receding moon and star pattern, [wtf?] that's why I'm having difficulty with the chi you are sending across the room at me today) really? Please. And 2) I don't like trying to explain the intricacies of life with information that has been boiled down onto four sheets of paper. It seems a bit...impersonal.
Anyway, there is a point to this explanation. I have been having difficulty (being a blue, I know bear with me) recently dealing with the overwhelming desire to want to smack a few people I know in the face. Being blue means I apparently feel for others. I'm a caretaker, I like listening and supporting those around me. I hate conflict and thrive on making other people feel special. My god, I sound like a freaking martyr don't I? It feels that way sometimes, believe me. However, because I also have a lot of green tendencies (and yes, you can laugh at me for continuing in this vein of color spectrum worship) I sometimes get annoyed as shit at myself for totally lying on the tracks and letting people steamroll right over me. Being a good listener and such is fine, but sometimes I just want to tell people to shut the hell up and get over themselves. Is that so wrong? No, no it's not.
We had some hard decisions to make at work yesterday, but we made them, and, I thought, all felt pretty good about it. Well, turns out some of those tough choices we made are being turned on their head. I do actually agree with one of the reversals made, however, I don't with another. I personally feel like my coworker is pulling in a little too much care for others - which, to be frank, is not really in his nature. Not to say he doesn't give a crap about other people, because he does, a great deal, but it's not generally his style. Anyway, the green part of me want to smack him upside the head and tell him to stick with his gut and cut the proverbial fat. Some people just shouldn't be working for us anymore. The other part - the one that cares about others and wants everyone to leave with a delightful feeling of joy surrounding them (yup, that cheesy), is silently congratulating him for standing up for his students and making the unpopular decision. I'm totally bipolar today, it's awful.
In related news, work is sucking lately, I'm so busy I almost don't have time to think. Case in point, I discovered, quite by accident that I had left something rather important in my office over the weekend. What might you ask, did I leave behind? About a half pound of seafood that somehow got lost in a bag of crafts that I had sitting outside my door. Yup, came in on Monday after a day of it sitting there and was greeted with the most delightful smell. Sometimes, you just can't get over how dumb you are. Monday was one of those days. It also proved to me how easy it is to get stuck doing way to much and forgetting even the most basic of tasks...like unpacking your purchases to make sure you didn't leave anything important in them (like, say, an aforementioned bag of food, or, I don't know, your keys and cell phone which apparently you also left behind and didn't notice until you found them two days later amongst containers of glitter and cardstock), yup, that moron is me.
Tomorrow is another day...a busy one. But I am bent and determined to finally try my last batch of melting cakes. I want to try another one dammit, one that is cooked properly and actually sticky to the degree I want in the center. I swear, it's the small things in life that matter...like undercooked cake middles.
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